You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
