Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
