i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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