Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
