You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
