I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
