White coat. Heels.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
