Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
