Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
