She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
