haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
