4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Non-Jews are for practice
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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