dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
