i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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