Old men and throwing up are my life now.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
