Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
