he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
