dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
