she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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