I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
