and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It's just like the Real World with babies
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
