the condom got lost in my hair
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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