Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
