so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
