Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
