fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
