i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
