This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
