So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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