So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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