honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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