I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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