The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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