Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
