I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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