If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
