My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize