she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
