dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
