it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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