I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
