I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
