We named our party play list daddy issues
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I understand Curling. That high.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
