my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
