I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
