i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
