I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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