I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
