ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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