i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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