I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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