i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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