Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
